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Stolen Data 8
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Stolen Data 8.adf
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TEXT
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jokes
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jokes
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1989-08-16
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5KB
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188 lines
@^
@t6@f01 JOKES WITH MR.BIG
@t1@f00A young bloke and his girlfriend
decide to spend an evening at a
classical concert. As the orchestra
begins to play the lights dim down
into almost total darkness. After a
while the couple started snogging and
this eventually led to them playing
with each other. Suddenley to her
amazement, the girl feels something
warm and sticky spurt out into her
hand. Realising it was so dark that
nobody could see what was happening,
she flung the mess as far forward as
she could By pure chance it hit one of
the violinists on the shoulder.
The violinist feeling something hit
him, tried to wipe it off and then
realised what is was ' Hey!! ' he
whispered to the cellist sat next
@^
to him, 'someones just come on me'
'Im not fucking surprised' ,growled
the cellist,' you've been playing like
a cunt all night'.
@t2Two blokes were walking down the beach
when they noticed a gorgeous blonde
sunbathing stark naked. One of the
blokes goes over to her and asks if
there is any chance of a fuck. 'Do
you wear a condom' asks the girl,
'Yes' replied the man,'Well fuck off
then' says the woman. The other man,
not to be out done says to his
mate,'thats not the way to do it,
watch this'
So he walks up to the bird and says
'do you wanna fuck' and the girl asks
him if he wears a condom, to which the
man replies'No',
@#
@^
@t2Ok says the girl lets fuck. Anyway, as
he's just about to mount her he pulls
a condom from his pocket and slips it
on before she can see it. When its
all over he pulls it off and ties a
knot in it and slips it in his pocket.
Then the girl turns around and
says,'Do you realise that i might be
now pregnant, if i am what shall i
call the baby', the bloke pulled the
condom from his pocket and said,'well,
if he can escape from this fucker you
might as well call him Houdini.
@t3Whats the difference between muff
diving and getting mugged ?
Well, when you are muff diving you
can see the cunt coming.
@^
@t4Why is a blonde like an old washing
machine ?
Because they both drip when fucked.
@t1Batman was wandering around a
super-heroes convention when he bumps
into superman who has two black eyes
and a broken arm. What the hell
happened to you says batman, Well says
superman, on my way here i flew over
Miami beach to have a good look at the
tits when i noticed wonder woman lying
on her back in the nude between the
sand dunes.
'Yeah, go on' says batman. Well i
thought it was too good a chance to
miss, so i flew down and rammed her
a good one. Batman says,'God, i bet
she was surprised', not as surprised
as the invisible man replied superman.
@#
@^
@t2A man is up in court for murder, the
prosecuter reads out the charges 'The
murder of your wife with a hammer'
suddenley, a voice from the public
gallery shouts,'you dirty bastard'.
The prosecuter proceeds to read out
the charges.
'The murder of your daughter with a
hammer', ...And the same voice shouts
out Fucking Wanker'. The judge has
had enough of this guyby now and tells
the man in the public gallery to shut
up or he would be ejected from the
courthouse.
Well,replies the man, ive lived next
door to him for ten years, and every
time i asked him if i could borrow a
hammer the lying cunt said he didnt
have one!!
@^
@t3A doctor is inspecting the patients in
a nut house. And who do you think you
are then he says to a patient.
Leonardo da Vinci replies the nutter,
oh really, and why do you think you
are Leonardo da Vinci ask the doctor,
and the nutter replies because GOD
told me so, NO i did not comes the
reply from the next bed!!!
@t4How many Paul Daniels does it take to
change a light bulb ?
One, and its bloody obvious how he's
going to do it ?
@t1A man walks past a butchers and
notices a sign in the window saying
Wank 50 pence, pork pies 1 pound. The
says to himself, ill have some of that
@#
@^
so he walks into the butchers and
see's this gorgeous blonde stood
behind the counter. So he says to the
blonde, are you the one who does the
wanks, yes comes the reply, well, wash
your fucking hands and get me a
pie!!!!
@t2A bloke in a pub asks the landlord
about the sailor sat at the end of the
bar with a head the size of an orange
The landlord tells the man to ask the
sailor himself.
So the sailor tells the man his
story, I was shipwrecked on a desert
island for seven years and one day i
discovered a mermaid on the beach, She
was dying so i nursed her back to
health, when she was well again she
granted me a wish.
@^
Well says the sailor, i had not had
sex for years so i asked if i could
shag her. but the mermaid said, well
that would be very hard because i have
not got a cunt, so i says to her ok
then, how about a little head!!
@t3What was the last thing the captain of
the ship said to his men before they
got on board?
Get on board men!!!
@t4This one was told to me by Judge Drokk
@t2What do you call a camera mad japanese
man when his father has got the shits?
A snap happy jappy with a crappy
pappy!!!
@t1 End.
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